DNF Reports: Throne of Glass by Sarah J. Maas

DNF (did not finish) reports is basically where I talk about books I set down, and why I set them down. This report is all about Throne of Glass by Sarah J. Maas, which came out August 7, 2012 from Bloomsbury USA Children's.  It's the first in a trilogy (series?) I don't really know.

The thing that really pisses me off is I have the first enovella. Which I put down because it didn't grab me. GODDAMNIT, ASHELYNN. I *could* have read it and realized I didn't like Celaena, therefore avoiding this one. BUT NOOO.

Where did I DNF'd it? page 185 (of 350 in the egalley.) I also skipped to the end and read chapters 47-53 (ish) before having to set it down for good. I couldn't handle the last twenty pages when the book felt DONE. I mean, I was singing, "it's the book that never ends..." while reading. :P That is bad.

***

After serving out a year of hard labor in the salt mines of Endovier for her crimes, 18-year-old assassin Celaena Sardothien is dragged before the Crown Prince. Prince Dorian offers her her freedom on one condition: she must act as his champion in a competition to find a new royal assassin.

Her opponents are men-thieves and assassins and warriors from across the empire, each sponsored by a member of the king's council. If she beats her opponents in a series of eliminations, she'll serve the kingdom for three years and then be granted her freedom.

Celaena finds her training sessions with the captain of the guard, Westfall, challenging and exhilirating. But she's bored stiff by court life. Things get a little more interesting when the prince starts to show interest in her... but it's the gruff Captain Westfall who seems to understand her best.

Then one of the other contestants turns up dead... quickly followed by another. Can Celaena figure out who the killer is before she becomes a victim? As the young assassin investigates, her search leads her to discover a greater destiny than she could possibly have imagined.

MY THOUGHTS:

*I may have misspelled "Celaena" in a few places in this review. Sorry! Just go with it? IDK.

Throne of Glass by Sarah J. Maas has potential to be something more, but sadly it falls apart on page two: “It was true that she had been attractive once, beautiful even, but—Well, it didn’t matter now, did it?” is our first glimpse at this heroine. Okay, so she really doesn’t care about her looks now. Good to know. And then when she is presented in front of the Prince in chapter two, she talks (again) about how beautiful she once was and… well, she does in fact care that she has not had a shower in over a year and she’s dirty and gross and not beautiful at all. 

*facepalm* You’re kidding, right? So… Celaena is actually quite vain, and she freaking LIED TO US IN THE FIRST CHAPTER? (yes.) I don’t like vain people. But for some ungodly reason, I have grown up with very vain people. Which is probably why it’s so freaking nails on the chalkboard-ish for me. It would annoy you too to go somewhere with a vain person and having to stop whenever you pass by a reflective surface because that vain person has to check to make sure they still look good. I’m fucking serious. It drives me insane that it takes us an hour to walk somewhere five minutes because oh god, vainy can’t go five minutes without knowing what s/he looks like. And yes, this is a pet peeve for me; it bothers me a whole lot when the MC is vain. It just does. That was strike number one, Celaena.

Then Celaena attempted to escape from the salt mines prison she was in, killing twenty-four people in her escape (um, really?) and “she was a finger’s tip from the wall before the guards knocked her unconscious.” So, what I’m getting is… she’s Wonder Woman. She’s amazing. She’s beautiful. She can play the piano, and did I mention that she’s beautiful? And that she killed twenty-four people because she snapped? STRIKE NUMBER TWO, CELAENA.

But here’s what threw me: Maas never shows us any of that. She just tells us all about Celaena and we’re supposed to believe her? For an assassin novel, Throne of Glass felt more like a romance—which, don’t get me wrong, I like romance—but I had expected action and killing and blood and ASSASSINERY. 

THREE STRIKES AND SHE’S OUTTTT. (I so should have stopped then.)

But what I got was this: 

A pointless love triangle (ew, really?) (also, why am I such a HYPOCRITE? Oh yes, people, I wrote a love triangle. *shudders* I don’t even.) Love triangles CAN work… but a lot of them don’t. This one didn’t work at all. And it freaking annoyed me that Chaol would advise the crown prince, Dorian, to not be in the same room as Celaena because she was a deadly assassin and yet the crown prince didn’t feel like he had to listen to his captain of the guard (I don’t really remember what Chaol’s title was.) I had a goodreads status that said: “god I hope she does fucking kill the prince.” Because I hated him so much. He’s childish and I don’t see his appeal. Or Chaol’s for that matter. I wasn’t invested in the romance, so I think the love triangle is pointless.

I really wanted to like this one. Because I’ve read some amazing reviews for it, from people I trust, and then I actually started it and was like WTF? Is this the same book everybody else is reading? But there’s waaay too much going on in Throne of Glass for me to really pay attention to it. I liked the idea of a competition and trying to win back your freedom, but why would you let them live in the castle? (Or was it just Celaena would stayed in the castle?) Everybody kept saying how dangerous these people were and yet… they didn’t feel dangerous because nobody was really afraid of them. I wouldn’t let an assassin into my house; I would lock them the fuck up. I wouldn’t even let the royal family or anyone important watch the tests because holy fuck, what if one of them “snap”?

Then there’s the “evil” and Celaena having magic in her blood. It was just TOO MUCH going on. I understand that this is supposed to be some epic fantasy series, but oh god, my head, it hurts. MAKE IT ALL STOP. 

Plus, Celaena bothered me, as did Chaol and Dorian and… well, the entire cast of Throne of Glass. 

Also, the castle is made of glass, which sounds COOL… but how is that doable? I read an interview where Sarah J. Mass says we learn more about the glass castle and how it’s doable in the later series, but goddamnit, I want to learn NOW. I already DNF’d your book, just give me all the answers now.

AND CELAENA READS. Holy fuck, she reads too. I so get the appeal of reading, but—and this is a weird pet peeve—it bothers me when the main characters take the time to read a book in the novel. Because a lot of the stories are life or death situations and it’s like… really? You have the time to sit down and read a goddamn book? Which Celaena does. Multiple times, and all I can think is, you’re  an assassin in a deadly competition. If you don’t win, you’ll be thrown back into Endovier. And you’re reading a book? WTF?

My biggest problem with Throne of Glass, though, was the inconsistencies with Celaena’s character. The prime example being her not caring what she looked like… until she’s seated in front of the crown prince. It really bothered me that she would freak out over not having showered in a year, being dirty and gross and smelly. You’re an assassin. Do clothes really matter? (She had this weird obsession with clothes, too.)

And the thing is… a lot of people have liked Throne of Glass. I’m sure it’ll hit the NYT bestseller list because it already has a fan based since its days on fictionpress and the four novellas. But a lot of the hardcore fantasy fans I follow didn’t like this one. I’m not a hardcore fantasy fan (give me a good old science fiction book instead), but… god, this one. It’s a mess. It really is, and I was really disappointed. Especially since Sarah J. Maas started writing it ten years ago. In my opinion, I would skip this one.

  

Or don't. Like I said, a lot of people have in fact liked Throne of Glass. I didn't. Neither did Harmony of Harmony's Radiant Reads. Neither did Leanne. But Blythe Harris did, and many, many others. So I don't know. :P